Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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