We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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