i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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