I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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