Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
