Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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