i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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