Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
