I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
