i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
