forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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