I faked an abortion last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
