Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
