Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
