At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You work out of a Hotel?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i think we sleep fucked last night...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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