So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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