he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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