My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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