I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
