my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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