we were pretty classy up until the second keg
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
