She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
