That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
