ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
