wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
