you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize