I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
