Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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