remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
