Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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