The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
