she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
