dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
