my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
