Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
