I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
