I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
