alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
did i walk over a car last night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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