please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
