Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
