I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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