I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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