so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
