The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize