True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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