If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
