In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
