I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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