2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
