youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
