Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
