i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
