I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
