this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
