no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
