Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
