can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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