You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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