You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So many bounce houses so little time
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
