I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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