just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
