um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
