I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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