He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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